The Prodigal Runner

PART I.  I am in the midst of the longest period I have gone without running in a very long time. At least 8 days. My desire, my energy, it seemed even my ability, simply disappeared. Overnight. The touchstones of this little drought were common enough: (1) unappealing weather; (2) inconvenient scheduling; (3) an achy-breaky old body and stiff joints; (4) an over-indulged appetite - my goodness, (5) general malaise, and (6) just life stuff - much of it nice and good. My response has been to be sad about that and yet powerfully unmotivated at the same time. So, now the prospect of dragging myself out onto the streets or trails is rather daunting and overwhelming - almost frightening. It feels like beginning all over again. And it almost is. But, I brought my running gear to the office today. Seems like a waste not to haul it out. And I am registered for a 5K race to happen in 10 days or so. The sun is out and the temperatures have risen a bit. The achy-ness has minimized itself. I feel the need to reassure myself and challenge myself physically. So, barring the unforeseen, Part II of this posting in an hour or so should be from "the other side".

Part II. It is good to begin moving again. Tonight's easy run along the Tomahawk Creek bicycle trail was beautiful. A jewel blue and flawless sky. Sunshine. How I have missed the warmth and happiness of sun. Full and freely flowing stream and small waterfalls. Deer. Gentle solitude. As my body gradually became used to movement again, the sense of deeply regular breathing imparted a gratifying peace and I once again felt connected to the natural world. My running pace was not amazing, but that is alright. This was an evening to be grateful again, propelled by my need for movement... to be back in the swing, to have an ability to move in ways that elude many, to be "in the moment", to be a little less slothfully self indulgent than some other times. I am already eager for tomorrow's outing along the same path. While contemplating my enthusiasm for running in nature, I came across the following quotation from the Islamic poet/philosopher Rumi, "Judge a moth by the beauty of its candle." I have not heard this quote before, but it is a powerful one. It is a reference I will keep in mind for awhile and even consider while I run, though it is probably not a good racing mantra.

The Depths of Humility & Back Again

Seems my last post was a journey into the world of deep deceptive fantasy. Ouch. I have met the loser and it is I. Thought I was a little better than it turned out. Of course, the avoidance of hills over the last 2 or 3 months was bound to show when I signed up for a race entirely set on the side of a hill - the big one on which the Liberty Memorial is set. Toward the end some of my breathing was downright alarming. At least I wore my RoadID emergency contact information plastered on my wrist. With these stats I probably am committing fraud to even call myself a "runner". Maybe a "jogger" after all... Oh man I can't go there. Speaking of stats, they will most certainly not be posted here!

So, there. Now I have wallowed in it and whined electronically and verbosely. That is that. The time has quickly arrived to fix it. I have already identified my next race, with adequate time to train and improve. I will race again on May 7 in Olathe, Kansas --- 26 days from now in the Kansas Heart & Sole Classic 5K run. (If I read the course map correctly, this one will be much less "hilly" than the one I just ran.) That gives me time to focus my training better, fix my recently disgusting diet, and participate in some of the Wednesday evening and Saturday morning group runs. I am not done yet. Yah!

1st 2011 Race!

Tomorrow morning I will run my 1st race of 2011. I am oddly eager, though I have not been out on the roads this week at all. I feel an eagerness sort of like what my dogs show at the door when they think they are going to get a walk outside. This is different: Late last year, I ran my first races since high school - and I was abysmal even way back then in the 20th century. In 2010, I was a bit scared about the first 5k - would I even be able to finish? Not being humiliated was a big deal in that first September re-entry - a deliberately chosen small event. Then the next one in October I took more seriously from a time/pacing point of view - and improved by a few seconds or a minute. The 3d and last was the big Thanksgiving Day race on the Sprint campus, and it was not chip timed which I did not realize until too late to independently keep track.

The fact is, I am not a fast runner. I am certainly not a strong or fast starter. I never thought of myself as a competent athlete, though I loved stories about real ones as a kid. (Maybe it is a little pathetic that, at this late stage of life, I think maybe I can still become one. That is fine with me. Ha.) In fact, I have mostly run and ridden bikes through life because I simply have never had the physical coordination, strength, or grace to do the team sports well. (Sadly, I tried.) So, my late 2009-2010 running restart began as a decent way to be healthy. Then it became a happy way to be out of doors in the big world I like so much, without having to do yard work. I love and thrive on the beauty, freedom, ecstacy, stretch, sweat, interesting people I have met in the process, and all of that. Ohm yeah, also the improvement in health and weight that generated the whole experiment in the first place.

But, I notice something odd just prior to this race. I want to do really well. I want to run faster than any of my prior chip times by at least 5 minutes. I actually want to win. Or place. Even if only in my advanced age group. I knew something was up on some recent road runs when I had the insane urge to race the passing automobiles! (The insanity - held in check - felt good.) I am focused in a different way this time with my "routine" tomorrow from the moment I rise to when I finish. Not just to prevent embarrassment.

Probably just an indulgent bit of baby boomer navel gazing, but I am interested in this phenomenon. I can hardly wait. (My wife mentioned this morning that I might be obsessed.) My bar for humiliation has risen I guess; but I will get over it. Meantime, let the race begin.

Reversal of Fortune

One month ago today I posted a dismal entry about February being the lowest mileage month since I joined Daily Mile.  I resolved then to reverse the stats for March. So, I am happy to report that my total miles for the windy month just ended in fact are the highest I have ever posted. And I did a much better job being a vegetarian. Now the task at hand is to turn that report into just a push off for the season.